checking into hell [ kenn & lance ]

[lance warren wright]

"Really? We have nothing left to talk about? You know i'm tired of all this bullshit Kennedy." He said sighing in frustration. He was tired of this girl just pushing him away. He wanted to make amends so bad. The thought that was sticking in his mind and it scared him. The one thing that was staying with him was that she could barely look at him without feeling overwhelmed by emotions. He couldn't believe it cause he felt the exact same. God why does this woman make me feel the way I do. It was like she was his forbidden fruit, but he couldn't find himself being drawn to her no matter how many hateful words she said to him. He knew he shouldn't be meddling with her in case something happened but he continued to test the waters. He walked into the elevator after her and leaned against the wall opposite of her taking in her wishes of not wanting him near her.

"We do have things to talk about. Like how you can't even look at me right now. I know i've done bad things, but with your stubbornness you would be able to look me straight in the eye and say the hateful things you have. Though for some reason you can't even look at me even if it isn't straight in the eye. Now why is that you think Kennedy?" He asked curiously knowing this wasn't something she wanted brought up, but he knew he had to talk to her. He knew things had to be discussed instead of swept under the rug to complicate things even more. He was tired of beating around the bush and decided to get right to it. He wanted to know if he wasn't crazy. If the fact that when they were together that even if she hated it she felt something for him because he did too. He knew he shouldn't have these feelings for her like he does but they were there and they weren't going away.

The elevator chimed meaning they had hit their floor. He held the door open with his arm across it so it wouldn't close and motioned for her to go before him. He wanted answers and he wanted them now and hopefully Kennedy would finally want to talk. Though he could see she was having some difficulty walking. This worried him a bit. If she did have a concussion sleep was the last thing she needed. He didn't want to find out this girl had something seriously wrong and it happen because he had just let her walk away from him because he was a coward. He stayed behind her as he walked knowing she would turn to talk to him if that was what she wanted. He was still waiting an answer for his serious question in the elevator.

[stephanie michelle davis]

Kennedy had been tired of it too but that didn't mean that she was just going to give in, to give up the fight and let him back into her or her sons life, so instead of saying anything she fell silent just standing there in the elevator. They were only going up a few floors, something that'd take less than a minute, but standing here side him made it feel like hours had gone by with the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. She was sick of everything between them, her and Rachel had a confrontation on the pier that she wasn't too happy about, and she just didn't want to be apart of the drama anymore. She had gotten away from it, almost forgot about it, and here he was forcing her to bring it all to the surface again.

"I can't look at you because i'm disguisted." She said simply with a slight shrug still avoiding eye contact, she couldn't just look at him now because he'd said something right? It'd defeat the purpose of trying to avoid all contact, even if it were just through the eyes, so instead she kept her glance down at her fingers. She felt so ackward in her bathing suit wrapped with a towel around her, this had not been the outfit she would have wanted to meet him in, but of course bad luck seemed to follow her and Lance around. "I'm disguisted in you, more so in myself." She didn't want to get into it too much, but she was sure disappointed in the way everything had gone down between the two of them. Back when they were together, behind closed doors that was, things were so much fun and she was having the time of her life, but sadly things had to change and after a year and a half here her and him were as ackward and uncomfortable as ever.

Kenn rolled her eyes as she walked past him and down the hall, slowly of course letting the dizziness subside a bit so she'd felt better, and realized he'd still been following her. "Why do you do this?" She finally said turning to look at him when she'd reached her door. "Why is it you can't just let it go and move on," She sighed looking down at the floor. She had her key on a bracelet so she took the bracelet off to fumble with the lock. "We have lives now Lance, you're supposedly happy, why do this now? Here? Don't you understand nothing can ever happen, nothing can be said to change the past, and we're just trapped in this endless rollercoaster? Don't you get it Lance, some things just can't be fixed because then it'd just create even bigger problems."

[lance warren wright]

Yeah he was supposed to be happy right? He had Rachel and everything, but he had been questioning that lately. Was he really happy as he had been? He didn't think he was but he didn't have the guts to say anything because it would crush Rachel....again. "Yeah happy...." He said far from being believable. He had missed out in his sons life to pursue something he wasn't even happy doing anymore. Why did things always have to so damn complicated. He sighed as he scratched the back of his head the ultimate sign of nervousness for Lance since he was thirteen. "Why do I do this? because I wanted it to be known that I was an idiot. A complete idiot for walking away from everything." He said starting out as he leaned against the side of the wall on her right. "I know you know that and it's not like it had been a big secret, but I wanted you to hear it from me. I'm an idiot i've always vowed to be a great dad ever since I got away from my father and that's not what I did instead I was selfish as always." He said quietly his voice cracking at the end when he mentioned his dad.

"I left my son and the mother of my child behind and figured checks would solve the absence of my physical presence. I see that was a big mistake and I should have declined Rachel's offer when she wanted me to move with her to New York. I should have told her I had other obligations, but in my selfishness I followed her. I was happy I was getting what I wanted again. But now i'm not even happy and i've missed a part of my son's life that I can never get back. I'm not as lucky as I thought I was." He said quietly he had lost his confidence in himself when he finally started letting the truth fall from his lips. He had been so upset that day he had gone to talk to Kennedy. He had wanted to see if they could get back together and she hadn't wanted to. That was the last thing he had wanted to hear from her. He still cared deeply for the blonde bombshell. He couldn't deal with the fact that she didn't want to be with him anymore.

So he left because he was rejected and because now he was with someone who wanted him, but now he wasn't even happy. The relationship had died with Rachel on his end anyways. He just didn't know if he could tell Rachel that. He didn't know if he could call off the wedding and upset her again. This would be the last straw this would be the last of Rachel Miles Lance would get to see if he cut the ties in their relationship. They wouldn't even be able to be friends and then he knew he would lose his only good friend Ava as well. He wasn't sure he saw any win situation because he could go about his life pretending to be happy and just lose his happiness or gain it back and lose everything he had been building back slowly.

[stephanie michelle davis]

"Am I supposed to stand here feeling sorry for you?" she said turning to unlock her door, swinging it open as she pulled the key back and attached it to her bracelet. "If you weren't happy with the decision you'd made why the hell didn't you fix it? Why didn't you call and tell me you wanted to be there? You did nothing, you left and you're entirely to blame for that. I have no sympathy for you, you made your bed and now you've got to lay in it." She couldn't believe he'd been trying to make up for everything and yet she wasn't listening to a word he had said, she'd always been stubborn and tonight proved to be no different. "You'll never be a good father because you're never around." She said with a soft sigh, she'd wanted him there even if she wouldn't admit it.

"Yeah 'cause money just solves all the worlds problems right, Lance?" She said, her voice getting higher causing people that were walking in the hall to turn and look at them. She didn't want their arguement to be public so she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her room shutting the door behind them. The walls were thin and all but at least they wouldn't have an audience while finally talking to one another. "You should have told her but you didn't!" She said, really getting angry now looking at him. "You left, you just packed your things and left without even caring about what I had wanted." She stopped talking knowing that she'd just said 'want' instead of 'need'. That wasn't a good thing but the word had already been out there, so there was no taking it back. She knew that would come back to haunt her, so she decided it'd be better to think before she speaks, but once Kenn gets into a mood like this it's hard to think before acting.

"I need to change," She said quickly looking at the towel she still had wrapped around her. She went over to her bed and grabbed the clothes she'd came in, just a pair of sweats stained by the pees Ryan had earlier the day before she dropped him off at his aunts, and just a loose-fitting white shirt. She quickly walked into the bathroom shutting the door behind her so Lance couldn't see anything, that was the last thing she'd wanted, and quickly got out of her bathing suit and into her lounging wear. She was planning on going to bed soon after they had conversed so she didn't need to get into anything pretty, not for him anyway. She walked back out of the bathroom walking over and sitting on the edge of her bed. "Things can't just be fixed with a sorry, Lance."

[lance warren wright]

"No I didn't want you to feel sorry for me that's the last thing I expected you to feel around me." He said putting a stab at her. "I'm merely stating things okay? Am I not allowed to feel any more? Do you think I walk around with no emotion at all?" He said angry that she wouldn't accept anything he said. Nothing he said would be right. Though he couldn't find himself leaving. He wouldn't put up with this from anyone else so why was he letting Kennedy just continue to punch hurtful words his way? When she went into the bathroom to change he let out a tired sigh and placed his fists against his forehead as he attempted to clear his head, but alas to no avail he was stuck with thousands of things swirling around. So many things to say and he couldn't say some of them. "God damn it! I didn't say that money would fix everything did I? You just like to pull bits and pieces from my sentences and throw them back at me in the most harmful way." He said looking at the door with a glare until she came out.

Then he looked up at the ceiling keeping his back against a wall so he would have something to lean against. He wasn't about to sit down and feel at home. Not here. Not now. He felt as if he was drowning in the tension as the two spoke to each other. "I don't even know why i'm trying. You aren't willing to hear anything I know sorry isn't enough but right now it's all I can give you at the moment." He said slowly as he kept his eyes off of her. Though he had watched her as she had walked out of the bathroom. She looked great in even the simplest of things. He had told her that a few times, but knew it was completely inappropriate to comment on now. "No I didn't tell her because I couldn't hurt her again! I already felt like a jackass for cheating on her and putting her through everything and then to be like nope I think i'll just stay in Pleasant with my kid and the girl I cheated on you with. That would definitely go over well. Don't you think?" He asked her mockingly as he looked at her with a face that was tired.

"What you wanted?! You didn't want me! You said you didn't want to be with me and that hurt Kennedy though I couldn't say anything because I didn't want to complicate things even further. I couldn't tell you how I loved you and were so happy that you were the mother of my first child. I couldn't because that's not what you wanted to hear." He said slipping down the wall so his knees were pulled up high and he could rest his forehead on them as he sat on the ground.

[stephanie michelle davis]

"Do you only think about yourself and what you want?" She asked looking up at him while sitting on the edge of the bed. The dizzy spell had came back, only momentarily though, so she was thankful she was sitting at the moment. "What about me and what I had wanted back then?" He had been talking about present time and here Kenn had to start with way back when the two had messed around. "I had the most perfect relationship with Rodney, do you know that? He loved me and I screwed that all up because of you! I fell for the charm, the good looks, and whatever else it was, and I fucked everything up that Rodney and I had worked for!" She felt a sharp pain in her side after thinking about Rodney, she still cared for him deeply and he had been gone. "He would have been there for me, he would have stayed with me no matter what, and I still messed around on him ruining everything."

She then couldn't help but roll her eyes when he was asking what he was supposed to say to Rachel when asked to move. "Why not say something along the lines of you're a father now and can't just walk away from your responsibilities. If you had wanted to stay you would have found a way, you wouldn't have just followed her all the way up to New York. Do you know how many damn miles that is away from us?" She let out a groan laying back on the bed letting her head hit the pillow so she could close her eyes, she was starting to get a headache. "You would have found a way," She repeated that wanting to make it sink into his mind.

She sat back up during his next few comments looking at him when he had spoke. "I couldn't believe you! How was I supposed to think you were in love with me when you were walking around hand in hand with Rachel all the damn time! You can't love two people, you just can't. It has to be one or the other Lance and I was sick of being in the middle of some damn sick love triangle. I wanted out and I took the first chance to run, and that is exactly what I did." She said simple enough looking down at him. "There is that the answer you were looking for?"

[lance warren wright]

"So everything we had..was a mistake?" He said curiously looking up at her. The thought that this is what she believed made his stomach turn in knots. He couldn't believe this is what she truly believed. "Is that what you truly believe?" He asked again looking at her for only a brief moment before his stomach did a flop of excitement. He couldn't let his feelings get in the way, but they were reemerging now on their own it seemed. "And no I don't only think about myself which is why i'm about to walk down the aisle and say I do for Rachel cause I can't leave her because I can't hurt her, but i'm not happy! I want to be back here back when I had you....back when I was happy." He sighed as he stood up slowly and leaned against the wall crossing his arms over his chest, "I know that's not fair of me to say to you, but I just want you to know how I feel. I want to finally say what I feel instead of keeping it bottled up inside me.

"Truth be told I don't know why I left but I can't change that now and all I can do is say i'm sorry for it. It's not enough I know but I will do what it takes to make sorry worthy to say to you again." He said slowly surprised those words had slipped from his mouth. Those were a few select words he hadn't planned on saying to her. Not now at least, but he was just ready to let everything go he wanted his mind to be free again. "I should have found a way!" He exclaimed angry with himself as he banged his fist on the ground forcefully and cringed but kept his face hidden as he did. "I'm a fucking idiot. An idiot...." He said trailing off into his mind again.

"I d...did love you" He said carefully almost letting the word do slip. That would have been a crucial mistake. "You didn't want me you said it your damn self. You told me go back to Rachel because we can't work out which was a lie....we could have made it..." He said slowly finally lifting his head to look over at her figure on the bed. "You wanted out....I would have fought for you if I had known you loved me you know. But you always made it seem like I was the biggest mistake of your life so I left...I was an idiot and left." He said slowly letting his eyes trail on her body but slowly move back to the ceiling as he closed his eyes.

[stephanie michelle davis]

She had seen Rachel just a few days ago and she hadn't mentioned anything about an upcoming wedding. "You're getting married soon and you're here talking to me like this? You have got to be kidding me!" She said, she couldn't believe an engaged man, even though it had been Lance who had a connection and a past with Kennedy, had been here right now talking like he was. "You can't do this to me, Lance!" She said standing up starting to walk towards the door to push him out. She'd shut the door behind him and would never turn back around, she'd leave him be and then he could find a way to be happy with Rachel.

She walked closer to him as he was talking to himself, and jumped back a few steps when she'd seen the anger get the best of him as he'd hit the floor, she had hated seeing people display emotions in a physical way. She was nervous to get close to him, he was seriously upset right now and she knew she'd been the reason why, but she had to get him out of her room before something had happened between the two of them. She didn't trust herself around him, not at this moment when the two had been showing signs of vulnerability, so she had to think of a way to get him out of the room without getting too close.

"How could I love someone that was with another woman?" She asked looking at him knowing she had strong feelings for him before, and there were those feelings that still surrounded her that she couldn't shake from her mind. No matter how long the two had been apart it seemed more obvious then ever each time they met up that something was bound to happen, fate would play the twisted game bringing them together and then tearing them apart, and Kennedy couldn't handle that knowing she had to be strong to take care of her son.

She, instead of pushing him out the door, knelt down infront of him a few feet from where he sat and let out a sigh. "I had something, i'm not saying it was absolute love, but damn near close, but once we were caught-" she made it sound almost as though it wasn't such a bad thing that they were doing, cheating on their loved ones and all, but she knew that it was one of the worst things both of them could have done. "I just couldn't be that girl, the one that tore apart perfect relationships, I couldn't be the one who walked around knowing she cared so deeply about someone when they were with someone else. That is just wrong," she said, the dizzy spell coming back over her, this time more harsh than ever since she'd moved and knelt down rather quick, and the fall downstairs probably didn't help matters for her. "You need to-" She let out a heaving sigh as she felt the room spin around her and as though instantly she'd felt limp and her entire body crashed down against the floor behind where she had just been kneeling. The room went dark as Kennedy lay there motionless.

[lance warren wright]

Lance didn't interrupt as he was trying to calm himself as he listened to her. He knew she had loved him he couldn't have been that delusional. So as he listened to her it soothed his mind, but he didn't have the heart to look up at her. He had heard her get off the bed and walk over to him. He heard her voice so near to him that she would be right there if he decided to open his eyes but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He slid a little bit farther away from her as she talked having to get away he could feel her body warmth radiating and it was killing him knowing how close she was. Why the hell did he have to be like this?! Why did he have to pass up someone so perfect like Rachel because his heart wanted something it couldn't have? He hated that he was such a complicated person. His life had always been complicated it had started in his childhood.

He sighed as he finally looked up knowing Kennedy was tired and done with this conversation. He was done with it for now too. He needed to get some sleep. He would try and talk to her tomorrow when they both had had some rest. As he looked up her eyes were finally looking at him instead of somewhere else. He felt his stomach flop and he cursed himself for looking. He knew Kennedy hadn't wanted to be that girl and he was sorry she had to be. He was sorry he couldn't have just grown up and chosen her and they could be together, but he had been childish about the situation. He had listened to Kennedy but he had read between the lines. Sure she had said he should go be with Rachel but that's not what she had wanted. The girl had wanted him. He was so stupid for not seeing it.

He listened until it was becoming unbearable he felt a lone tear slip down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and as she was speaking that He should do something he knew it was his time to take his exit. He slowly started to get up, but he noticed something wrong with Kennedy. He had an immediate look of worry and his heart skipped a beat as he saw the girl fall almost lifeless to the floor. "Kennedy?" He said leaning down and checking her pulse, "Kenn?!" He said uttering her nickname for the first time since he had seen her though it was in a frantic matter. He lifted her eyelids to see her eyes had rolled to the back of her head.

She had a pulse but it was weak. He freaked out for a few more minutes before pulling out his phone and dialing 911 and telling them the problem. He didn't want to wait for the paramedics to get upstairs knowing it would just take longer. He slowly and gently lifted Kennedy into his arms. He whispered to her, "Don't worry Kenn even if you hate me I won't let anything happen to you. I won't leave you this time." He said quietly as he opened the door and ran to the stairs not having the patience to wait for the elevator. He made she he had a firm grip on her so she didn't jostle around as he quickly made it down to the ground floor.

He ran outside of the lobby keeping his eyes on Kennedy the whole time to make sure she was ok. He couldn't believe this was happening if only he had left her alone and not caused her so much stress after she had fallen. He was so stupid. He just hurt everything he touched which is part of his reasons for not wanting to be in his sons life though he had seen his mistake and hoped in time Kennedy would let him back in. He was outside the hotel waiting at the entrance for the ambulance to come. He heard the sirens getting a lot closer, "Come on come on come on.....come on!" He finally exclaimed louder than the first three pleas. Finally an ambulance raced into the front of the hotel and pulled out a stretcher quickly putting Kennedy on it. Lance told the paramedics what had happened and they jumped back in the bus. Lance wouldn't be leaving her side so he jumped into the back and sat there taking Kennedy's hand in his as they rode their way to the hospital. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand gently as he looked worried at the girl's face.

She had to be okay....she just had to be

[stephanie michelle davis]

[[ 5 freaking paragraphs? oh sometimes you make my head hurt at 7:30 in the morning, I don't think I can reply to that many...

but since obviously i'm lying through my teeth I went ahead and moved the thread to the hospital (clicky clicky) since that is obviously where they are heading. You could have just thrown her in some cold water or something Hope you don't mind that I moved the thread! ]]