The Fastest Way Back Home (Java)

[jack edward riley]

It felt like being shot—like being shot and then surviving. A heaviness wedged itself into his chest and hadn’t budged since he stood in the doorway of his son’s room to find him not there. That was the point where he knew she wasn’t coming back. It hadn't taken him as long as one might have thought to actually get in the car and take off after her once he realized she was missing. He had attempted to make the drive three times previously before going the distance. The reasons varied and part of him was unsure of when she left but after calling her phone consecutively for three hours one night he decided to do something about it. He had called her parents trying to sound as though nothing had happened but they didn’t know where she was. He even stooped to calling her job but they were only able to tell him that she had called in and informed them of her pause in employment.

He had changed; he made sure of that after they got married. He promised to make an effort and to share with her the things that he would have normally kept to himself. As far as communication went he thought they had done a pretty good job and in every other department they were alright as well. Sure they didn’t get as much time along anymore as Jack would have liked but they were parents, wasn’t that supposed to be expected? But they were good. It took him about a day of running through every conversation they had in the previous week, every interaction they had or just of his own and then it hit him. Most people thought he was crazy when he said he shared a phone with his wife but economically it worked for them and since he never actually needed a phone for the most part it was hers. There was nobody besides work contacts and herself that he called. Unless you counted Tori.

Tori was one of those subjects he had yet to breach conversation upon since Adam’s death. It was too much and not something he ever thought he’d really have to deal with until out of the blue he got a message from her. He should have told Ava, he knew that deep down but it was easier to let it go. But he didn’t let it go and he ended up messaging her back and so on and so forth until the banter that once existed between them started back up again and they found themselves actually conversing with one another without fighting. But then again the conversation had mostly been about an important date that was on the horizon. He would have been five. Jack had a three year old now of his own and still there was never a day that went by that he hadn’t thought of Adam. For as much of his personal crap he worked through with Ava there will still some that he wasn’t ready to go over. It was a text message from Tori asking when she’d be able to see him and he had left it at that. He didn’t even give it a second though to reply or to erase it before Ava got the phone.

He locked up the bar at three in the morning and drove through the early hours of the morning not stopping. There was only once place he could have imagined her running to. For him Point Pleasant was always a place he was running away from in his youth until he had something worth staying for and that had always been her. It’s where their history was and he knew that it could have been the only place she would have gone to because it was where it all began for them. He knew that because logically it was the place that he’d run back to as well. He headed straight for the diner once he got to town. He had raced there, surprised he hadn’t been stopped by a trooper once and got there right in time for one of the morning deliveries. He asked one of the guys they had left in charge if he had seen her around town and he mentioned that she might have been living near Weldon street. Near Weldon street didn’t give him much of a pinpoint and he spent at least an hour driving around looking for her car before he found it. A small bungalow and her car out front. The lights were out and a glance at the clock told him it was early enough that she must have still been asleep. He sat in her driveway deciding if he should wait or not but eventually decided against it and got out of the car. Was happened next was him returning to the car at least four times, getting closer and closer to her front door each time until eventually he tripped over his own foot and his other foot hit the bottom of her door rather hard. He winced immediately regretting it and ended up knocking once more before waiting a moment and started walking back to his car.

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[ava louise riley]

It was early, that was all she knew. Hell, even Chris wasn't awake yet, but then again, he'd always been like her when it came to sleep and sleeping in. Sleep. She could honestly say she hadn't been getting much of it lately. Maybe it was the foreign bed or the foreign house or maybe just the fact that she was all alone in that bed and that house, but the hours had become days and the days had become.. well, she wasn't sure how long it had been anymore to be honest.

She'd been up, sitting at the kitchen table when she heard a car pull into the driveway and got up, looking out the front living room window to see who it was through the curtains. He was here. She'd been playing the moment over in her head, knowing that eventually he'd find her and come see her, or just to see Chris. She was under the impression that was all he wanted, his son and she understood that. Jack was a great father and even if she was hurting, she wasn't going to keep Chris from him.. at least not forever. She watched as he sat in his car, wondering if he was even going to come to the door at all.

She looked down at what she was wearing, closing the curtains again. Grey sweats and a t-shirt, her hair tied in a loose ponytail. The single mom look, she supposed, but hardly the look she wanted to show the man that had hurt her so badly. She wanted to show him that she didn't need him in her life, that she was just fine without him even if it wasn't the truth. Rachel was the one that had it all together without a man, she needed her glue. Jack was her glue.

She was lost in thought, staring into a mirror that hung in the hallway when she heard a loud, sort of thudding noise and ran to the door. Even if she hated him at the moment, she couldn't help but be concerned for him. She opened the door and saw him starting back for his car, the cold winter air hitting her almost instantly. "What are you doing here?" She asked, getting his attention as she remained standing in the doorway, her arms wrapping around her body for warmth.

[jack edward riley]

His heart sort of leapt up into his throat and made it impossible to breathe when he heard her call out to him. He froze in his tracks and wished that he were superman so he could fly around the world really fast and reverse time in order to make it so he never drove here in the first place. He stood there for a moment feeling like the ass that he was but then feel a jolt of anger run through him. “What the hell am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, his voice rising slightly before he put himself in check. That wasn’t how he wanted this to happen, they weren’t the words that he wanted to say and he wasn’t quite sure where they had even come from.

He turned around and it was still no better. Seeing her standing there looking at him the way she did made his heart sink even lower. There had been a number of times in their relationship when he had turned around to find her there and each and every time his memory took a photograph almost of it. They were images of her that kept him company when he wasn’t near her or when he would leave they were a reminder and reason for him to return. But this image of her standing there, looking just as broken as he felt, was one he wished he could forget. But even though she wasn’t looking her best she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. He sighed and ran his hands over his face. He was freezing, not having brought a coat with him or even putting much thought apart from shoving whatever he could into a duffle, and knew he was more than likely going to need one if the weather kept up. He walked to her door, standing a few feet off from where she was standing.

“I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.I have no right to raise my voice.” He said more quietly than the previous time he spoke, now composing himself better. “Is he sleeping?” He asked her.

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[ava louise riley]

Before she knew it, he was facing her and like his, she could feel her own heart do things it only did around him. For some reason, he had this way about him that made her feel like a sixteen year old girl with a crush and she hated that, not usually but at this moment it was a curse. She had been about to speak again, when his angry tone caught up with her. He was angry at her? Really? He was the one who had cheated. He should know why she hadn't stuck around to be made a fool of again. It was the story of her life. He messed up and she was there waiting when he realized it.

She was just about ready to head back inside and slam the door in his face, wanting this to just be over when he apologized and she found herself letting him approach her. It was like her feet had suddenly stopped receiving blood flow or something and she'd lost the ability to move. She sighed, diverting her eyes and the pain beneath them. Why couldn't things just ever be simple? It was like she was masochistic when it came to him. "Yeah he's asleep." she said to him, unsure if she should invite him in at this point or ask him to leave. She knew he must have been freezing, but the selfish part of her didn't care. "He's been good." She told Jack, knowing it was something he'd ask. "We spent some time with Rachel the other day, which he liked a lot." She thought about the conversation with Rachel a moment, remembering how good it had felt to have someone she could talk too again. Jack had always been that person for her in the past, but things were different now. "He's been asking about you." She added, unable to keep it from him. "I didn't know what to say."

[jack edward riley]

He stood there feeling so out of place. He never thought he’d ever be here in their relationship. Everything had been good hadn’t it? He shifted from one foot to the other feeling like he wanted to say something but rehashing it in his mind and thinking that it wasn’t so much of a good idea. There was so much that he wanted to tell her but the only subject he could think being safe was Chris. He never thought he’d be a father again after Adam or have a life at all since Ava had been married and Tori had been gone. When all of that changed it was just the icing on the cake when they found out they were pregnant with Chris. He had been scared and always doubted himself as a parent. Not wanting to be like his own father and always on edge over what had happened with Adam but somehow he found a comfortable spot of his own. He loved his son and regarded him as the only thing he had truly done right in his life. When he realized she had taken him with her that night his heart broken—shattered. Chris was life and if he wasn’t at the bar or if Ava had been working and he hadn’t, it was almost certain that he was with his son. When she mentioned that he had asked about him he felt a twinge of anger again. He remembered being a young kid asking after his own father and his mother not being able to answer him. He hated to think that Chris was now in that position, as was Ava.


He nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets looking for some sort of warmth. “I miss him—I just. Why?” He asked her. “Why did you leave—why didn’t you talk to me?”

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[ava louise riley]

There had been a moment, actually a few moments, over the past few days that she'd wondered if she'd done the right thing in leaving the way she had. It had been selfish and hasty and she hadn't really stopped in the process to let rational thought kick in. She knew she should have talked to Jack first, not simply accused him of something she wasn't even one hundred percent sure of, but.. the evidence was there. If she was writing a story, she had her facts. Sure, she would have checked them with the source, in this case the other woman, but it all seemed to fit and she'd gone with it. Hearing her son ask for Daddy every day though was too much and yes, she'd been trying to bring herself to call him back.

Why? It was the question she'd been trying to ask herself too, except her why was "why wasn't I enough for him?" "I didn't know what to say to you.." She told him honestly. "I still don't." There was silence, but as if cued, there was a scream coming from Chris's room. He'd been having nightmares since the move, more so than ever before and Ava knew it was all her fault for taking him from his home. Leaving Jack to follow or not to follow, she took off into the house and into the bedroom.

Chris was stirring in the bed and she sat down, trying to calm him as he awoke. "Hey, it's okay..." She assured him, pulling him into her arms as the fits turned into tears. She hated seeing him like this. She looked to the doorway and saw Jack and gestured him over. Whatever their problems, she needed him now. "Guess who came to see you?" She said, causing him to look up and over at Jack. His face instantly lit up as a "Daddy!" escaped his lips.

[jack edward riley]

He was about to open his mouth and say more when he heard the familiar scream of his son. His heart leapt up and if on cue his basic instinct to run into the house and scoop him up was overwhelmed by the need to respect Ava and her place. He faltered for a moment as if he were going to run in but waited until she was already turning into the house and followed quick on her heels. He hung back and leaned in against the doorframe looking past her and at the small boy with the tears running down his cheeks. The image in front of him of his wife and child was one that would be deep routed in his mind for a long time to come. He wanted nothing more in that moment to move to the bed and take them both in his arms and make them both know that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he’d take care of everything and that everything would be okay.


”Hey buddy.” He said, his voice hoarse with emotion and let out a sigh. He took another step in the room and went over to the side of the bed and kneeled down. A smile lit up his face, ” You have a bad dream?” He asked as he reached over and rubbed Chris’s back. He’d be lying if he were to say that pinpricks in the corners of his eyes were allergies and not tears threatening to unfurl. No matter what their issues were he was going to be as close to wherever Chris was even if she wouldn’t take him back or work through what happened. In Jack’s book family came first and he wouldn’t let anything come between himself and his son.

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[ava louise riley]

Watching her son, their son, go to Jack was hard for her. As much as she blamed herself for taking Chris away, she blamed Jack for putting her in that position. But she let it happen and seeing the boy smile, well it made things easier. Like Jack, she would do anything for those smiles and anything to prevent the tears she was seeing now after the nightmare he'd had. Chris nodded at Jack's question, wiping away his tears and putting on a brave front on account of his father being in the room. This made it hard for Ava not to smile too. Chris tried so hard to be like Jack. He idolized him.

"How about we go back to bed and tomorrow maybe you and Dad can go hang out at the diner?" She suggested, knowing that would cheer him up. She turned to Jack. "You can put him to bed. I'll meet you in the kitchen." She said, knowing that the alone time would be important for the two since they hadn't seen each other in awhile. She blew Chris a kiss, then headed out of the room and into the kitchen where she started a fresh pot of coffee. She was ashamed to say that she'd been relying on it so much, she was almost out of the container.

The machine trickled and she got out a mug for herself, unsure of what Jack would want and deciding to ask. He was there now, they needed to talk. They needed to figure out how they were going to do this, what they were going to do and what would happen with Chris. She was alright with Jack taking him for the day, but they needed something more permanent in place. Finally, she heard him leave the room and the small word "Hi.. escaped from her mouth. "I made coffee, but I figured you wouldn't want any so... did you want to stay? We should talk." Yes, she'd been holding out this talk, but seeing Chris and Jack together in that room had changed things. She couldn't avoid him any longer.

[jack edward riley]

He nodded his thanks as she left and scooped Christopher up in his arms before moving to sit on the bed next to where he was laying. He hugged his son to him tightly and kissed the top of his head. He scooted up closer to the headboard and laid Chris down and pulled his duvet up around him. “I’m here now. I promise I will never leave you again, no matter what okay buddy. I’m gonna fight away all the monsters. Go back to sleep.” He said as he kissed Chris’s head. Chris grabbed his hand and laid there for a while with it in his grip as he started to fall asleep. Jack just sat there until Chris’s breathing evened out and he could retract his hand. He got up carefully and headed for the door. He looked back at the small sleeping child as turned the light off and retreated out of the room.

It was a small place, didn’t take him long to figure out where the kitchen was, especially with the scent of coffee coming down the hall reaching out to him. He leaned in the doorway with his hand folded across his chest in a non threatening way. There was so much heaviness in the room hanging between the two of them that he didn’t know where to start or if it was even a good time to do so. “He’s sleeping again.” He replied to her when she greeted him. He walked further into the kitchen and leaned against a counter. “Nah, I drove all the way here for a cup of coffee of course I want to bloody talk.” He said sarcastically shaking his head. He might have made the drive all the way from Tampa to find her but that didn’t mean he had to make it easy for her, she sure as hell didn’t make it easy for him.

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[ava louise riley]

She hadn't exactly expected him to be nice, but right did he have to be such a snarky jackass? Okay, so she'd left, but wouldn't he have done the same if he'd found out she'd cheated? Hell, he'd left over a lot less. She was in the right here, she was sure she was and his tone was just making her want to kick his unfaithful ass out the door. It was her house and just because they were married didn't mean it was his too. But instead of kicking him out, she kept her cool and turned to the now finished coffee. She poured a cup and turned to him again, gathering her thoughts.

"You have no right to get angry at me, this is all your fault." she said to him, her tone remaining neutral. "You think I like leaving my whole life behind? I didn't have a choice." She wasn't ready to deal with this, she didn't want to deal with this. She wanted to talk about Chris. They needed to figure things out. "So I was thinking if you're staying here then I'll take him during the week and you can have him on the weekends.." she said to him, trying to change the subject and not think aboput the idea of him and another woman.

She took a drink of her coffee and found herself biting her lip, trying to stay cool and not get too emotional about the whole thing. It was an old nervous habit, but today it was being used to mask her sadness. He'd hurt her too many times and she just kept letting him. When would enough be enough? She couldn't let him see that this was bothering her.

[jack edward riley]

”I’m sorry, you had no other choice,” He scoffed, ” I seem to recall you being the one always stressing communication and talking things out. Obviously that only applies to me though, my mistake.” He spat out at her, his voice once again rising. He kept trying to calm himself down, trying to remind himself that his son was in the other room and he never wanted him to have to listen to them fighting. There was no way now he was just going to come out and tell her the truth. If she wanted to jump to conclusions about him than he’d let her.

He had never been unfaithful in a relationship before, unless you counted the time he and Ava slept together when she was married to Blake, but even then he was only an accessory. He loved her and Chris more than anything; there wasn’t anything he would have ever done to jeopardize what they had. He was really taken aback when she suggested some form of joint custody over Chris. “You’re actually serious. Is this it? This is what happens to us after everything. You get him on the weeks and I get the weekends?” He asked incredulously.

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[ava louise riley]

He was right, she was going against her "mantra," but she was so angry and hurt she was afraid to communicate with him and say something she'd regret, something that would make things worse between them than they already were. She didn't want this; the fighting, the pain, but it was what had happened and that part still confused her. Like him, she was trying to not raise her voice because Chris was close by, but if he hadn't of been she wasn't sure how things would have gone. Somewhere along the way they'd stopped being the people they'd fallen for in high school and she wondered if that was part of the problem. Yes, even at this moment she loved him, but she wondered if he'd stopped loving her back.

"What do you want me to say? What do you want to do Jack?" She asked him with a sigh, putting her coffee down taking note of the fact they were both still standing. Then again, it didn't seem like a sitting conversation. "I never wanted any of this. I wanted us and I thought you did too, but then.." Her voice trailed off as she thought about the messages again. There hadn't been anything suggestive or anything, but it was clear they were from a woman and the fact that he'd been hiding them... She had to be right about what she'd seen. There was no other explanation. "..I never wanted this.." She said again, unsure of what else to say. This whole joint custody thing was all her trying to keep herself together, do what was logical or something. When life didn't make sense, she tended to rely on logic, what did other people do in these situations? They left, got a new place, made arrangements for the kids... Well, that was what she'd heard. Basically, she was just going through the motions trying to stay in one piece and not breakdown.

[jack edward riley]

“Is that what you said about the last marriage as well? Just threw up your hands and gave up? I mean come on Ava you can’t seriously expect me to give up so easily and give into this idiotic plan. You really think splitting up is going to solve this.” He said angrily. He didn’t mean to open his dumb gob and say anything like especially since he had a part in the failure of her marriage to Blake and if she hadn’t had divorced him he wouldn’t have her now. He was just so angry, with himself mostly, but he knew they weren’t going to get over this so quickly. Standing there in the kitchen he could barely imagine that this is what his sixteen year old self had in his mind when he first saw her across a playground. He loved her then and he definitely loved her now, maybe even more so, but he hated what they had become. Bickering and jumping to conclusions about one another. He was praying, something he never did, that they would work this out and quick but he desperately wanted to get back to their middle.

” I just don’t get it how could you think…Why would I…damn it Ava!” He slammed his fist into the counter and instantly regretted it. He turned from her and looked away upset with himself for losing his anger.

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[ava louise riley]

Had he really just brought Blake into this? Well, not exactly, but he was comparing this now to what had happened with Blake and it wasn't at all like that. "You know what happened with that. It was different..." She said to Jack, thinking about it. With Blake, well they'd fallen out of love and now she knew what they had, while it had been great, it was no where near what she felt for Jack. Felt. Still felt. Did she expect him to just "give in" to her plan? Maybe, but then this was the man that had always fought for her, even when she wasn't available to be fought for. Sure, he'd let her be happy while she was with Blake, but he'd always been there for her, her constant when things got hard. She shrugged, not really sure what to say. She'd been under the impression he'd already given up on them.

She listened as he finished, slamming his fists and she looked down at the floor. "I saw the messages... Maybe they were nothing and I was wrong, but they were there and they were so personal and... I don't know." She said, shrugging some more. "I should have talked to you, okay? I just... I was surprised. I didn't think ..I didn't expect... I thought we were doing better than that."

Finally, she felt her legs giving and she pulled out a chair, taking a seat and rested her head on her hand. When had they become so broken? "You know the hardest part? I still love you." She said in a whisper. "I love you, but I feel like I can't trust you."

[jack edward riley]

He regretted his comment way before she called him out on it, and if he wasn’t so hurt and grasping at straws at the moment he probably would have apologized. But his pride wouldn’t let him do anything that took him from attack mode. “How could you think that there would anyone for me but you? That after everything I would go looking for it somewhere else? It took me years to get it right, you think I’d let that just go so easily. ” He shook his head, more hurt than anything else. He rubbed the back of his neck and took a step back closer to the doorway.“I should go; this isn’t exactly going to get us anywhere. I’m sorry for waking you. I’ll be at the diner, I’m not leaving—I’m not going anywhere as long as the two of you are here.”He didn’t want to go but this wasn’t going to be solved over night, nothing with them ever was that easy. She loved him and that was enough for him at that moment.

For as long as they had been around one another Jack had always fought for what he knew they could have been. She made him believe in love at first sight, was there for him when he didn’t think he deserved anyone, gave him a place to call home, a family, and those were things he never thought he’d have. He wasn’t going to let her go easily and if she did end up asking for a divorce or to be legally separated he wouldn’t agree to it. They were better than that and he knew it. They just had to back to them. He was a prat and let things get in the way and take over when it got busy instead of making time for her. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

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