NEVER FAR IN MY THOUGHTS-RYLAND

[mckenna landon jameson]

OUTFIT

Allie was bored, and all her friends were out doing something else, Tanner and Caroline had gone away without her and she’d been busying herself doing various things and spent half the time cleaning her room, not that it was messy or anything, but she was re-arranging things. When she was on her own, if she didn’t keep herself busy then she would probably go crazy, though she did feel like crashing on the couch, that wasn’t an option, she was on a roll with cleaning now and she wasn’t going to give up now, there was just no point anyway because she was so near to finishing the cleaning, she may as well carry on now and she was having quite a bit of fun. She would decide what else she could do once she had finished all her other jobs but right now she just needed to finish. She heard her phone buzz and stopped for a minute to have a look. She’d received a text message from one of her friends. She quickly replied and then carried on cleaning, she was very proud of herself having a productive day.

Once she had finished cleaning she really needed a shower. She quickly went into the bathroom and had a shower, she was going to go out somewhere, but she knew her friends wouldn’t approve so she wasn’t going to tell them. It was good that they were out because she knew if they were around she would have to explain where she was going, and she couldn’t do it easily, not to them because it was so complicated. She was going to see her ex, and she didn’t even know herself. Once she was done in the shower she grabbed a towel to put around her and another for her hair and went to her room to change and get ready. It was sunny outside so she went with a t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. For her makeup, like she always did, Allie kept it minimal. She never really bothered putting much on because she liked to be natural. She wasn’t overly girlie either, and plus she found it gross when girls wore loads of makeup and knew a lot of guys thought the same. Of course she got attention from other guys but she never really bothered with them at all because there was only one person on her mind.

Now since he only lived a few minutes away, luckily she did not need a car to get her there. Alex had their car and she didn’t want to have to go over to his place and explain why she needed it and where she was going, because he certainly wouldn’t let her have it if he knew, she knew full well how all her friends and family felt about him, yet she didn’t care. She really couldn’t help it being around him and when they weren’t together she still sometimes went to see him, then when they were together she was with him a whole lot more and it was hard because of how everyone felt about him. She walked up to his building and buzzed to get the door open, and then went up to his apartment and knocked on the door. When the door opened fairly quickly she was ready to smile and ask him to do something with her, but when a woman was standing there in one of his shirts, leaning on the door frame she frowned. Can I help you? the woman said. Allie shrugged Yeah is Noah here she said less than amused.

When he came to the door after hearing his name, Allie frowned at him and walked in further nice choice in women by the way, though I didn’t think that you went for the cheap whores if I am honest with you she said looking at the other girl I’d get some clothes on and move it love, before I pound you she glared. Then she looked at Noah. I know we’re not together, and this is your thing to do when we’re ‘off’ but you keep saying you love me, but you sleep with other women and it just doesn’t make sense. Can you tell me why? she asked I can’t not tell you....it hurts that you just do this, I mean I have known it’s been your thing since we have been together but I guess you’ve never been ‘caught’ she carried on. I may be just being petty right now, but I have to tell you how I feel because otherwise it’s just going to bother me even more she said to him and sighed. She honestly wished that they could have a normal relationship. I just wish for once we could actually be together and be normal. I want to be with you but it’s not easy, it never has been.

[ryland]

Its really good to hear you voice
(SAYING MY NAME)

Ryland didn’t know what was worse, waking up still high, waking up with a hangover, or waking up not knowing what he did last night. Right now he was somewhere on both the second and third one. He had no idea what he did last night, or who was in his place with him aside from his sister who probably wasn’t there at the moment. Ryland had rolled his way out of bed at the crack of noon, or was it one, he didn’t know he couldn’t read his clock at the moment and didn’t want his cellphone because he was sure he’d find some text from his friend and slowly start to remember his night. Sometimes it was the nights he didn’t remember that were better that way. Ryland went to his bathroom and turned on the light in there which wasn’t a good idea his head was throbbing. Blindly reaching into his medicine cabinet he found his aspirin popping a couple of pills and taking a drink of water he worked his way out of the bedroom. There was some girl there that he didn’t know the name of sleeping on his couch in his shirt. His first thoughts were what did I do with her his second thoughts were. Um where were her clothes. Moving into his kitchen he found something to help settle the lurching feeling in his stomach.

He was still at that point of too far gone to investigate the presence of the woman in his apartment. He didn’t really care who she was as long as she got her ass out of his apartment soon and didn’t take anything from him. Moving his way into his shower ignoring the girl still because well he wasn’t in the mood for sex and she seemed to be. It kind of answered what he did with her the night before was sort of relieving and not at the same time for Ryland. Ryland showered quickly mostly to clean off whatever grime he’d gotten into the previous night and all of that. Getting dressed in a white muscle top and some boxers and jeans he wandered his way out of the bathroom when he heard his name come from a much more familiar voice.

Running his hands through his messy hair which did nothing more than make it messier he went back out to where Allison was now standing with… whatever her name was. Allison did not look thrilled and what’s her face was looking scared. ”Nice choice in women by the way, though I didn’t think that you went for cheap whores if I’m honest with you” Ryland watched for a moment kind of letting this ran play out because his head was pounding, his blue grey eyes were locked on Allison though. ”I’d get some clothes on and move it love, before I pound you” Ryland’s eyes didn’t break away from Allison even though he should have been able to pull away from her brown eyes he couldn’t. ”I know we’re not together and this is your thing to do when we’re ‘off’ but you keep saying you love me, but you sleep with other women it just doesn’t make sense. Can you tell me why?” Ryland was listening to her, he listened to her like no one else he knew just like he watched her brown eyes with an intensity that couldn’t be matched by others ”I can’t not tell you… it hurts that you do this, I mean I have known its been your thing since we have been together but I guess you’ve never been ‘caught’ I maybe just being petty right now but I have to tell you how I feel because otherwise its going to bother me even more”

Ryland was somehow able to focus on all of this even through the headache that was throbbing in his brain, through the pain of a hangover that made no difference to him. He knew that he and Allison had been anything but normal. And sometimes he wished he could give her the stability that he wanted but something always held him back. Part of it was the fear that he’d be just like his parents. He’d have kids and he’d hate them like his parents hated him and Lilith. His tired blue eyes looked at her with all of the intensity that they usually held. I just wish for once we could actually be together and be normal. I want to be with you but it’s not easy it never has been” Ryland looked at her and sighed carefully thinking of a response that wouldn’t hurt her. ”I want us to be normal too” said Ryland before thinking wow that was a lame response but it was an honest one.

(IT SOUNDS SO SWEET)
coming from the lips of an agel

Tagged: Allison
Outfit: link coming soon
Word: 799
Credit: Lyrics-Hinder Lips of an angel.
This template was created by RAWR!?
of caution, also known as Kali of Nevermore

[mckenna landon jameson]

She had managed to scare the girl off luckily and smirked as she quickly found her own clothes from last night scattered around and threw the shirt back and ran out with not so much as a goodbye. ‘Good’ Allie thought to herself. She was definitely pleased that they could have the conversation together without some slut in the way. When he said that he wished they could be normal too, she shook her head. No you don’t she told him, shaking her head. Although in some weird way she knew that he did, but then why did he put her through so much pain? If you wanted us to be normal you wouldn’t be with other women for a start she said to hium firmly Even if we are not dating she went on. And you would quit-for me she said. This was pointless, they’d had so many arguments and everything over this and she could not stand it, she really did hate it the way they were so on and off with each other. She didn’t bother telling him that she loved him, even if she did....it really just was just not the time to do or say it.

Maybe if you made more of an effort with me... she said. Okay so she did know that he made an effort with her, but still...she meant not being such a douche bag to her friends, that was what she was trying to get across to him. They had so many arguments over his attitude, his drug problem....everything. Sure Allie liked to party but she knew Ryland would take it too far most of the time. She didn’t like the thought of him with other girls especially, because she wanted to be with him, she wished it could be easier but it wasn’t. This was what it was, the reality was that he was who he was, her friends hated him and that was that...they were never going to accept him as a part of her life now, she just couldn’t see it happening because it had been too many years with him being how he was. She knew that it would be asking too much of them all to get along. Despite everything though she still loved him and she couldn’t really see that changing any time soon, and she didn’t want it to change either.

You are just too selfish sometimes she went on You don’t think of how you are effecting me...or Lillith she carried on saying I know you care, you don’t have to tell me that you do, but...and I know we have been through this so many times.....why do you do it? she asked I know it makes you happy and blah blah blah, but is it really worth it if so many people are getting hurt by it? By hurting me you are hurting everyone around me she said And I know it hurts Lillth too. she said. She knew no matter what though she was going to stand by him, no matter what he said or did to her. Though he had never hurt her physically or abused her in any way really, it had all just been because of his drugs and stupid arguments. She knew he needed (and wanted) her just as much as she needed and wanted him. She was worried what would happen if she told him it was over for good, she did not want to think about that, and that was what no one else understood. That wasn’t the reason she was with him most of course though, she wanted to be with him.

I keep thinking, if I did drugs...if I was more like you and experimented with stuff it would be different she said We could do it together she said. But I don’t think I could ever try drugs. I don’t think I would ever do it. It’s not who I am and I would hurt way too many people. Yeah I have tried weed, that was when I was like when I was sixteen and a one off....I hated it she said. Your choices effects so many people, and its not fair on anyone she carried on like she always did. Surely he was used to her ranting on because she did it so often. You have people who care and you don’t NEED the drugs like you think you do she said Is it all really worth it? she asked I mean what if I lost you? she asked Have you ever thought of that? she said It makes you think for a second when I say all this, then after that you are back to thinking about the drugs. I don’t know what to do anymore she admitted. It’s putting so much strain on my friendships, you don’t know how much I am hurting because of that, and its all BECAUSE OF YOU! she shouted the last bit. Okay her rant was over and she would listen to what he had to say now.

words; 845
notes; haha yeeyy!

[ryland]

Its really good to hear you voice
(SAYING MY NAME)

Ryland didn’t even acknowledge the girl as she left, A. Why would he acknowledge someone he didn’t know the name of, B. He didn’t care for her anyway, and C. He was too focused on the person that he did care about to focus on some person he didn’t give to shits about. ”No you don’t” came the sound of Allison’s voice cutting through his focus on her eyes. He had always loved her eyes, the dark chocolate orbs that often were what made a smile grace his usually stoic face. ”If you wanted us to be normal you wouldn’t be with other women to start even if we are not dating. And you would quit for me” Ryland just watched her his blue eyes finding her brown ones again. ”I don’t know who she is or why she was even here, and I know that isn’t an excuse but it’s true, and I have tried to quit for you more than once” said Ryland completely honest with her yet again. Allison seemed to be the only person that could get a hint of honesty out of him anymore. His sister didn’t even get that all of the time. But when Alli was yelling at him about this he was under some kind of honesty spell by her brown eyes.

”Maybe if you made more of an effort with me…” Ryland knew that she wasn’t talking about her, by herself. She was talking about her as in her and her friends. He could be a perfect gentleman alone with her but it was like in a room with her friends and he was an ass to them. Running a hand through his hair, not in an attempt to retame the mess his hand had previously done but to buy himself a second to think. A split second to come up with a response to what she was saying he wasn’t going to raise his voice not to her not this time. There were times that she was sorely mistaken but this wasn’t one of them, he could put forth more of an effort with her friends tell her that he’d try to be nice to her friends. But he wasn’t going to lie to her about it, they really just clashed and it wasn’t just the drugs. ”I can try to try to be better toward your friends” it was all he could offer, he didn’t think they’d ever agree on anything. He just cared about Alli he wanted her to have friends but he didn’t want to have to be friends with them, he wanted to care for her and be there with her but being friends with her friends was hard on him. Ryland kept his focus on Alli’s eyes as long as he did that he couldn’t look away from her and check out of the conversation.

”You are just to selfish sometimes” adding on You don’t think of how you are affecting me or Lilith” that was the start of the low blows he was bracing himself for but he wouldn’t check out of the conversation. Because she was right he needed help he needed rehab but it wasn’t looking like something he could do on his own. Everytime he tried to get clean to be with Allison everytime he was about to make it every time he was going be ok. He fell he slipped, he did something and it sent him back to square one. ” I know you care you don’t have to tell me that you do but… and I know we have been through this so many times… why do you do it” that was the question he’d be asking himself for years and he still didn’t have an answer although the best one was escape ”I know it makes you happy, blah blah blah but is it really worth it if so many people are getting hurt by it by hurting me you are hurting everyone around me. and I know it hurts Lilith”Ryland considered carefully before opening his mouth again calculating words and what they could mean for them if he wasn’t careful ”I don’t know why I do it, the best answer is escape, and I want to quit, I want to stop hurting you and Lilith”

The next thing he said sent shock through his blue eyes, he didn’t want her to be a drug addled mess like he was. He didn’t want that for her at all he wanted her to be soft, beautiful and gentle like she was now. Ryland needed her sober, he needed her to be there when he hit the bottom of this free for all that he was currently on. ”I keep thinking if I did drugs… if I was more like you and experimented with stuff it would be different, we could do it together” A phrase that made Ryland want to grab her and shake her and tell her not to but he knew better than that he knew there was more to this sentence or so he hoped there was he was holding his breath at the moment. But I don’t think I could ever try drugs I don’t think I would ever do it, it’s not who I am and I would hurt way to many people. Yeah I tried weed that was when I was like sixteen and a one off… I hated it” Ryland let the breath he was holding exhale with the sound of her voice with the reassurance he wasn’t turning her into him. Her being on drugs would kill him at best, destroy and maim him at worst.

Your choices effect so many people and its not fair on anyone” she was carrying on but for once she was at the heart of the matter she wasn’t beating around some nonexistent bush. The more people skirted around the issue with him the more he ignored it but he couldn’t ignore this she was skirting he tended to lose some of the conversation and it tended to lose some of it’s power. But she didn’t understand what addiction did to him, why it was so hard for him to stay clean for a week, two weeks whatever she’d ask him. She didn’t realize how much it would hurt for him. ”You have people who care and you don’t NEED the drugs like you think you do, is it all really worth it? I mean what if I lost you? Have you ever thought of that? It makes you think for a second when I say all of this then after that you’re back to thinking about the drugs. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s putting so much strain on my friendships you don’t know how much I’m hurting and it’s all BECAUSE OF YOU”

Ryland wanted to reach out and touch her, tell her it would be ok, pull her close and comfort her, but he was the source of distress and he knew it. But she didn’t know how much he needed to do it, how much he needed to know that she’d sit by him if a rehab would take him. ”Al, Alli cat I know it’s not fair to you to Lilith, I know it’s not. And I don’t need the drugs, but I do at the same time. And it’s not worth it but I can’t quit, Not on my own. And yes I did think about it” said Ryland. It was an addiction that was what was making this so complicated for him. It wasn’t something he needed but it was something he needed. His mind was a mess of mixed up chemical processes all affected by his drug habit and he couldn’t kick it without help without support without a person holding his hand.

(IT SOUNDS SO SWEET)
coming from the lips of an agel

Tagged: Allison
Outfit: link coming soon
Word: 1309
Credit: Lyrics-Hinder Lips of an angel.
This template was created by RAWR!?
of caution, also known as Kali of Nevermore

[mckenna landon jameson]

Well that is just stupid, that you don’t know who she is or why she is here she lectured And yeah you TRIED to quit she told him. All this was so hard. Why did things have to be so damn hard all the time? And why did it have to happen to her? She got so many lectures about him from her family and her friends and she never once thought that it wasn’t worth it, that he wasn’t worth it because she loved him. She had never asked her friends what they would do if they were in the same position as her, because they would probably just have a smart answer, telling them that they would never actually be in that situation, but how did they know? She wouldn’t have known that at fourteen or fifteen she would be dating someone like him, and that it would have lasted so long. How it HAD lasted so long she had no idea, it was weird but it didn’t seem as bad when she was younger, and when he was younger too. Once she got to know him she saw the good side, and she knew that was why, no one else really saw that and she knew that was the reason they all hated him so much, because they didn’t see how he really was with her, they just got the whole story whenever they broke up and then decided not to like him. Had they always hated him? Well they hadn’t known straight away he was a druggie, she hadn’t known either, and that had been the way it was. The first time she had found out she broke it off straight away, and her friends and family found out from her that he was a druggie, and it went on from there.

It’s not just you though he told him honestly They hate you. They don’t want to make any effort towards you whatsoever she said honestly I am being completely honest because, well you know anyway right? she said with a smile. So why should YOU be the one to make an effort when they won’t even try? she asked. It’s not even worth it because you never seem to be able to show them you are actually a good person with them around. Its only Lil and I who ever seems to know that she sighed. sad but true, in a way I kind of like it...makes me feel special, but I am not some kind of attention whore she said. You know that, but it just feels nice to have someone show me their good side when with everyone else they are different. I don’t like it 100% but there is a part of me that likes it she said with a smile I don’t think I am making sense to you, but at least I understand what I am saying she said. I think in future, when we’re together we need to make sure they don’t know basically she said casually. She hated the thought of lying to her friends, but she really didn’t know what else was better. So that means I wouldn’t be able to spend all my time here, and when you are around the apartment we’ll have to sneak around she said Not that we are getting back together right now though she said to him firmly. She wanted him to want her before that happened and for him to be the one to want her back, it was a little stupid but that was just the way she was feeling right now. Her friends would so kill her though but she wasn’t thinking of that. She didn’t want to think of that because it wasn’t their life.

She frowned again, Don’t Allie Kat me she said brushing him off You don’t want to quit she said. I don’t think you’ll quit till something bad happens to you, like an overdose or something she said You never seem to understand the real danger of drugs. she told him. That kinda hurts he said Okay so I know its not easy, but you could quit the other things you do, like sleeping with other women. Why do you do it if you still want me? she asked What if one day I meet someone else, and we don’t get back together? she asked What will you do then? he asked him. She had thought about what it would be like being with someone else, easier than being with him but she didn’t care. She loved him and right now she couldn’t see herself leaving him completely. There was just no way she would want to do that, and no way she could bring herself to do that. I am not saying I am.... she said It’s just a question she let him know But I don’t understand why you get with other girls she shrugged at him. It makes me feel like another one of your cheap whores when we do get back together she said I don’t like knowing that other girls have been with you when I don’t do anything she said telling him straight. Well not nothing. I kiss and make out with guys occasionally but that’s it, and they aren’t random guys....there is a difference you know she went on. All this was hurting her head.

I wish it was just that easy to quit she said But it’s not, and I have thought about it so many times, why I keep coming back to you, when you are still on the drugs. You know you can get help, but you never make the effort she went on There are so many things that I just don’t understand and I want to understand she said It’s not fair that things have to be this way, but only you can fix them she told him honestly and moved closer putting a hand on his shoulder. Don’t throw your life away because your parents are complete bastards she said to him. She knew it wasn’t going to be an overnight thing, and there was no guarantee it would work, but he seemed willing to try and make it work, to try and quit, but then he always did and it always ended in tears. I’m not going to leave you, if you need me I will be here she said But I guess we’re friends....for now she shrugged. As if they had ever been friends but when she’d just seen another girl in his apartment she wasn’t going to let herself get into a relationship with him again, she could have been all flirty and try and seduce him but she could tell that he wasn’t really in the mood.

words; 1,137
notes; Okay so I don’t think he should quit this time, obviously cos he should at some point take the ovedose. I don’t mind if they start dating again though

[ryland]

Its really good to hear you voice
(SAYING MY NAME)

well that is just stupid, that you don’t know who she is or why she is here” Ry knew it was stupid he wouldn’t deny that because well it was really dumb, but it was the truth. Ry had no idea who that person was or what they wanted with him. He didn’t know her face or anything. Everyone one looked like Allie to him, his Allie the one who was standing in front of him pissed at his behavior, the one if he got his way they’d stay wrapped up in each others arm. But it was this that they did, they fought and they got back together. It was stupid that all they seemed to do was fight but it was the truth. But they loved each other at the same time, she told him when he was being an annoying drug addled bastard and he told her when she was being a pain in the ass. He didn’t like the accusing tone that went with tried though. If she knew how hard he tried she wouldn’t be nearly as pissed at him right now. He’d gotten through a week of withdrawal once or twice but he always caved about then and he’d just give up after that. ”I really don’t know who she was, and yes I have tried to quit” said Ryland.

He didn’t know what else to tell her his blue eyes kept watching her with all of the intensity of before, it didn’t waiver from her if she moved his eyes moved with her. He always did this when he was standing in front of her. ”It’s not just you though, they hate you. They don’t want to make any effort towards you whatsoever” Ry couldn’t say that he felt all that hurt by that comment. He didn’t care for her friends much but she did and he’d try because she liked her friends and even if he didn’t, he owed her the effort at the very least. He knew her friends hated him, he didn’t care really but Allie did care and that was the only reason he gave a rats ass as to why her friends hated him. ”I am being completely honest here well you know anyway right” a small smile gracing Allison’s face. Ryland loved that smile, he loved it more when she was laughing and it reached her brown eyes. Ryland ”So why should you be the one to make an effort when they won’t even try?” he heard her ask. He was wondering how much of that conversation he’d just missed daydreaming about her laughing when she thought something was really funny. ”It’s not even worth it because you never seem to be able to show them you are actually a good person with them around. It’s only Lil and I whoever seem to know that” Ryland shrugged, they only reason they saw the good in him was because he cared about them. And the more he cared about someone the more likely they were to see that side of him that most people didn’t get to see. ”You’re friends don’t exactly bring out the chivalrous side of me” replied Ryland

”Sad but true, in a way I kind of like it… makes me feel special, but I am not some kind of attention whore” Ryland was listening to her again rather than day dreaming about her which he did allot of. If you asked Ryland about Allison he’d probably tell someone Angels left her on earth and that she was too good for this place. She was too good for him, but that changed nothing for him he wanted to be with her. He wanted to be able to fall asleep with her in his room on his bed. Protect her from everything including himself but she wouldn’t let that fly she was stubborn when she set her mind to it. ”you know that but it just feels nice to have someone show me their good side when with everyone else they are different. I don’t like it 100% but there is a part of me that likes it” came her voice. Ryland tuned out after she smiled again, he couldn’t help it everytime she smiled he went somewhere else it wasn’t anything bad it was about her, he adored her smile and he adored her dearly. And he didn’t know why he kept doing things to hurt her but he wanted to stop he wanted to be there for her like he was supposed to be. ”I don’t think I’m even making sense to you but at least I understand what I’m saying” Ry didn’t really know what she was saying he was too focused on that smile of hers. ”Doesn’t matter if I understand it or not I like listening to your voice” said Ryland before thinking about the fact that he was full of all sorts of lame comments today. Somehow Allison was always able to do that make him say lame things he wouldn’t say to anyone else. Allie made his mouth disconnect from his brain and though he never said anything mean to her he didn’t say too many things that were brilliant either.

”I think in the future when we’re together we need to make sure they don’t know basically” came Allison’s voice while he was trying to make his brain function right, which was hard when she was in the room. He’d be the first one to tell you the blood didn’t exactly go rushing to his brain when it came to Allie. He finally caught up to what she was saying they would have to lie to her friends she hated lying. ”So that means I wouldn’t be able to spend all of my time here, and when you are around the apartment we’ll have to sneak around” This was giving Ry some hope they might actually have a chance at a relationship together again maybe even started today. ”Not that we’re getting back together right now though” Well so much for hope on that she gave it and took it away with all of the ferocity of a person that knew what they wanted. ”Allie cat why can’t we just at least try it again please” responded Ryland. It was border lining a hurt tone, and a tone that just begged for her to let him back into her life. Resorting to the nickname that usually got her to cave to what he wanted.

Watching her frown was one of the worst things Ryland could see, because he knew he was the cause of the frown on her face. He hated being the reason she had a scowl on her face, he’d walk the world backwards if it would make her smile. ”Don’t Allie Cat me” basically giving him the brush off. ”You don’t want to quit, I don’t think you’ll quit till something bad happens to you like an overdose or something You never seem to understand the real danger of drugs” He knew the dangers of drugs, he’d tried to quit but he could barely make it through the crash, the agitation, the fatigue, the depression, high cravings, paired with the fact he could feel like he was starved one second and vomiting the next. He had broke out in chills, threw stuff in angry outbursts at people who had been his friends, the muscle aches so bad he could barely move, chills and sweating at the same time that he didn’t know if he were hot or cold. ”That kinda hurts, Okay so I know it’s not easy but you could quit the other things you do, like sleeping with other women. Why do you do it if you still want me” asked Allison ”What if one day I meet someone else and we don’t get back together? What will you do then?”

Ryland didn’t want to think about that it was pretty much like stabbing a sword through his heart to think she would love someone else. ”Allie don’t please don’t say things like that” plead Ry. He didn’t like that idea at all. He needed her with him he needed her in his life. He couldn’t do this without her and he didn’t want to tell her what he’d probably do because it would kill her more or less. Ryland was afraid that she would leave and not come back but in all honesty he probably didn’t deserve any better. ”I am not saying I am…. I was just a question” Ry sighed in some relief but to even think it was a possibility was killing him slowly. ”But I don’t understand why you get with other girls, it makes me feel like another one of your cheap whores when we get back together” Ryland didn’t want her feeling that way she was anything but a cheap whore, she was perfection in human form if you asked him anyway. I don’t like knowing other girls have been with you when I don’t do anything” she was being honest though ”Well not nothing I kiss and make out with other guys occasionally but they aren’t random guys… there is a difference you know”

”Allie I can quit seeing the other girls just stay please” said Ryland. He didn’t want her to go he didn’t want her to walk out and never return. And it might make him seem weak but he didn’t care at the time, he wanted to be with her and if letting her see everything would do it then damn pride to hell he’d let her see everything that other people didn’t get to see ”I wish it was that easy to quit, but it’s not and I have thought about it so many time, why I keep coming back to you when you are till on drugs. You know you can get the help but you never make the effort” What Allison was failing to see was that the help cost money and he didn’t exactly have any. He could if he’d stop wasting it on drugs it was kind of a never ending cycle. ”There are so many things that I just don’t understand and I want to understand. Its not fair that things have to be this way but only you can fix them”

Ry had tried to fix this issue with drugs before, but the withdrawal especially the crash had almost killed him. This was going to be a lifelong battle for him and it wasn’t something that would be done easily or without help. He was going to have to fight a life long battle with himself just to be ok. ”Don’t throw youre life away because your parents are complete bastards” Ryland didn’t do well with withdrawal he couldn’t get through the crash part of it. He could barely get to the crash part of it. He didn’t want to throw his life away but he didn’t want to deal with his parents either. He had needed an escape when he was younger and that escape had turned into an addiction. ”I’m not going to leave you if you need me I’ll be here but I guess we’re just friends for now” He didn’t want to lose her so he’d take friendship it meant she was at least staying for now. ”Alright if that is what you want” said Ryland. Ry didn’t know what that really meant for them but he was hoping that it would be ok and that he’d be able to spend time with her. He wasn’t all that excited to be without her ever actually

(IT SOUNDS SO SWEET)
coming from the lips of an agel

Tagged: Allison
Outfit: link coming soon
Word: 1944
Credit: Lyrics-Hinder Lips of an angel.
This template was created by RAWR!?
of caution, also known as Kali of Nevermore

[mckenna landon jameson]

Well that’s just stupid she huffed and folded her arms and scrunched her nose up at the thought of him with whoever the other girl had been. She didn’t want to think about what they had done together, just thinking about it for a second made her feel annoyed and upset. Well I am sure you got your satisfaction with her she said sarcastically, even though the thought of it actually made her physically sick. It seemed wrong that he was with other guys, when she only made out with others occasionally. She knew he would be just as jealous. I know, but it’s never stuck has it? she said with a fake smile You always give in, you never really try that much harder she said. It made her sad to think she wasn’t worth it. She knew he had tried, and that he loved her, but she needed more than all that if they were going to get back together. Though she always caved because of how much she loved him, it was weird. He was the only guy who could make her feel that way and she knew he was the only girl, in some way, she knew they had to be together.

hmph she said looking away from him for a moment, she didn’t know what to say to that because it was true. No one see’s that side of you, except for me and Lill she said sadly is it really worth being that cold and moody and just....you? she asked I guess I am lucky you aren’t high now, I mean you’re even like that with me when you’re on the stuff, and when you are coming down from a high she frowned at him. Allie hated it when she was around him if he had been coming down from a high, and if he was on the drugs. He could always tell, though the one thing he had never done was let her see her do the drugs. She was so glad of that because she didn’t want to see that side of him, she didn’t even want to believe it sometimes, but as much as she wanted not to believe it, she knew it was true. That was just the thing, she didn’t want to believe it, but it was true, so she did and there wasn’t really anything she could really do to stop him, even though he had tried, he always went back to them in the end, but he always came back to her also. One day she really was going to have to give him the ultimatum; her or the drugs, but she was scared that she would lose out to the drugs, and then she would possibly lose him forever. Allie didn’t even know if she would come first with that because she knew that the drugs had something over him, well of course they did, he was addicted.

What? she said confused with his comment about the fact he liked listening to her voice. What did that have to do with anything? She shook her head to get it out of her head. She didn’t know what he was meaning so she was just going to forget about it. That seemed the best thing to do, what else could she say? It was kind of random, and she had to admit that it was lame too, but sometimes it was the lame comments that made her cave with him, she kind of liked them and thought they were pretty funny even if they weren’t intentionally meant to be thought of in that way. She then smiled at him, she knew what he meant and she found it cute, she liked his weird compliments, they were random, it was the part she liked about him, one of the parts. He at least had more of what she liked about him than just that though, but there were other things that she did not like and it was hard to get the balance right so it could be all the positive things. She didn’t think that she could give up on him though, at least not now she couldn’t, not yet.

She shook her head I don’t know she said to him when he said that he wanted to get back together with her, It’s just, soon enough we’ll break up again because you’ll be acting like a complete dick she said Like, how wasted must you have been for not knowing who the girl was or what you did with her? I wouldn’t have cared as much if you had just come out and said ‘yeah I fucked her’ she shrugged. At least that would have been honest, but you can never be straight with me and you just give me one sentence answers she said getting frustrated. She could feel herself getting upset, but she didn’t want to show it, she didn’t want to cave, not yet....she couldn’t do because that was not what she wanted, was it? Yes she wanted to be with him, but not like this, not when he was like this. I don’t expect you to treat me like a princess, because that’s not what I want, but for fucks sake, I mean we have known each other like, nearly six years and I deserve your honesty she nodded.

Yeah, well.... she said to him with a casual shrug. She honestly didn’t really need to say anymore, she just wanted him to think about how this was effecting her, and how it then effected her friends and family because of that. It was like this knock on effect that it just kept going, like one domino getting knocked down and then they all went down. He didn’t often stop and consider her feelings, she knew that he needed her, and yes she did need him in her life as well but her reasons were different and she couldn’t help thinking that his reasons was often selfish, or maybe she was wrong, she hoped that she wasn’t. Though it was always the same, they would argue, get back together and then have a screaming row, and say things neither of them meant. Between a number of weeks and months, they would be back together. The longest they had been together was nearly a year, and that had been when they were younger, and he had been able to hide his drug habit from her, the longest they had been apart was around six to eight months. It seemed crazy and every time she thought about it, she knew just how crazy it actually was, yet she always got back with him.

Do you really want to do that? she asked him honestly. She knew that he would find it hard not being with other girls while they weren’t together, but it would give her satisfaction if he did do it, and the fact that she had asked him to, and he had gone along with it. Was he just saying it to make her happy though? Would she find out that he had seen other girls next time they broke up? It really made her sad thinking about it all. She didn’t know if she trusted him, or believed him. She shook her head I don’t want empty promises from you she told him. I want to actually know you won’t, I mean I manage it she said. I don’t get it, you say that you love me but you get with other girls, you sleep with other girls. I may kinda make out with other guys, but I’ve not actually been with them, and that’s the difference she said and took a breath. At least she had been able to get all that out.

She shook her head, not really knowing what she wanted really if she was honest. When had they ever really been friends though? Had they ever been friends? They had always just not spoken when they hadn’t been dating and that had worked. She didn’t know if she could be friends with him, but maybe it was better than nothing. They could take things slow, well that never worked but maybe they could just see how things were going and they would get together again, well she knew it would happen eventually, they were just drawn to each other. it’s not what I want at all she shook her head at him and told him honestly. I don’t think we’ll work as friends If I am entirely honest she said told him. She looked up at him and then looked away again, she was feeling the urge to kiss him, she didn’t want to resist the urge she had, she was trying though but it was becoming stronger and taking over. She reached over and put her left hand to his cheek and touched it lightly and leaned in to kiss him, pulling him closer by wrapping her arms around his neck. She knew the temptation wouldn’t last long but she pulled away. This wasn’t what she wanted, was it? But it was! No matter how much she thought it wasn’t, how much she tried to make herself believe otherwise and no matter how much she resisted, she would always be drawn to him.

[ryland]

Its really good to hear you voice
(SAYING MY NAME)

”Well that’s just stupid” she huffed at him as she folded her arms. She obviously didn’t really like the idea of him being with whoever that chick was. He honestly didn’t remember how he got home if he was totally honest with himself. ”Well I’m sure you got your satisfaction with her” her voice was laced with sarcasm, his night was kind of coming back to him a little bit he hadn’t actually slept with the girl that came home with him. He had taken her home because she was too drunk to drive. He had been trying to find a way home and she had seemed like a good idea at the time but then neither one of them were sober but he still couldn’t figure out quite how she ended up in his house. ”I know but it’s never stuck has it” through a fake smile, he could tell it was fake because it didn’t meet its way up to her brown eyes. ”you always give in you never really try that much harder” Ryland wanted to get better for her but he knew it was hard and he probably needed a rehab center and had nowhere to go he didn’t really have the means to go because his sister needed him at home, he couldn’t abandon her to check into rehab because she’d be homeless if that has to happen.

hmph she was looking away from him he kept looking at her though, he was always unable to peel his eyes off of her. Anytime he was in a room with her it was pretty obvious that he barely paid any attention to anyone else which was part of why no one ever got the good side out of him. He was always attentive on her and anyone in that spot kind of didn’t get the best side of him anymore. No one see’s that side of you except me and Lill she sounded sad and that in of itself was breaking his heart right there.is it really worth being cold and moody and just… you?” she was questioning him and he didn’t have an answer as long as she was by his side he didn’t care he was quite alright with how he was. I guess I’m lucky you aren’t high now, I mean you’re even like that with me when you’re on the stuff, and when you come down from a high” Ry couldn’t bring himself to drag his eyes away from her to even look down he was afraid if he did she wouldn’t return to him and he’d be done for then for sure. ”I’m sorry” said Ryland. He was sorry he really didn’t like being mean to her, something when he was high made him hard to talk to. He was hard to communicate with anyway. He was afraid that one day, sometime soon he’d cross a line and she’d walk out and never see him again. He would probably honestly kill himself that day. The way he knew that she wasn’t returning to him and he couldn’t have her back. That was part of what was keeping him from letting her watch as he got high.

He watched as she was confused with what he had said ”What?” she questioned him. Ryland looked at her as she realized what he meant. He was full of lame corny comments today and it wasn’t uncommon something about Allie brought that out in him. He was pretty much the lamest person in the world around her and there was nothing she could do about it anymore. But her happiness at his comment soon drifted away back to the conversation they were having. ”I don’t know” that hurt. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to get better for her but he couldn’t do it without her there with him. ”It’s just soon enough we’ll break up again and you’ll be acting like a complete dick” He just kind of hung his head a little but his eyes stayed on her. ”Like, how wasted must you have been for not knowing who the girl was or what you did with her? I wouldn’t have cared as much if you had just come out and said yeah I fucked her” came her voice with a shrug. ”Because Allie cat if I told you I fucked her it would have been a lie, he was in the living room with my clothes that were on the floor in there, and I was still in the clothes I was wearing when I left here last night when I woke up this morning, afternoon, I don’t even know what time of the day it is right now” said Ryland which was true he hadn’t even looked at a clock yet none the less figured out what time of the day it was when he woke up. All he knew was that the sun was up and Allie was at his door and he didn’t want anything more than that. ”I don’t expect you to treat me like a princess but for fucks sake I mean we have known each other for like nearly six years and I deserve your honesty” Ryland just looked at her, the longer he looked the more assured he was she wasn’t going to disappear on him which was what he wanted to be sure of. The fact she was still standing there was looking in his favor.

Ryland watched as she shrugged with a defeated ”Yeah well” He wasn’t really sure what that was amounting to at the moment and some deep part of him didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know what it was going to mean for them. He still wanted to reach his hand out and touch her face gently, do what he always did. Lay with her until well into the middle of the night and sleep with her curled up next to his chest. His head buried into her hair his arms around her protecting her from some invisible thing out there that he knew didn’t exist but needed to protect her from anyway. Allie was still the driving force in Ryland’s life and sometimes he wondered if it was that kind of raw emotion that got Romeo and Juliet into trouble. Ry was pretty sure if it came to that point and he had to chose life and no Allison or death and Allison he’d pick death and Allison without even hesitating. It wasn’t even a thought for him really it wasn’t something wanted to do but he knew his choice.

”Do you really want to do that” came Allison’s honest questioning tone the sound of her voice cutting through his thoughts and bringing him back to their world the one they currently lived on with their friends and family. Well her friends and their families. ”Yeah I’d walk the world backwards for you Allie Cat” said Ry completely honest. ”I don’t want empty promises from you I want to actually know that you won’t I mean I manage it” he was focused on her lips again ”I don’t get it you say that you love me but you get with other girls you sleep with others girls I may kinda make out with other guys but I’ve not actually been with them and that’s the difference” Ryland felt jealousy boil in him just under the surface he wanted to protect her from those other guys pull her close to him in a possessive I love you and she is mine kind of thing and just never let her go ever again.

Ryland stood there watching her try to decide what she wanted. He knew the look on her face he’d seen it many times before it wasn’t a new look to him. It was familiar and sometimes scary sometimes comforting. He knew they were like two ends of a magnet and drawn together with such a force it was hard to resist. He’d felt that way the first time he’d seen her, like he was a moth to a flame he was the moth and she was the flame. ”It’s not what I want at all, I don’t think we work well as friends if I’m entirely honest” Fear of her leaving him there alone washed over him in a sickening wave that made him feel in adequate for her and he didn’t like that feeling it was a lonely nauseous feeling. It made Ryland feel alone and like he was going to be left to his own devices. But then he felt her hand on his cheek he put his rougher hand over her smooth one. He felt his hand move when she wrapped her arms around him and kiss him. He was kissing her back his hands snaking their way up into her hair keeping her close to him. Relief and joy spread through him as he kissed her it was a comforting thing and he knew she wouldn’t be leaving him. He wanted this, he didn’t want to be a friend with her he wanted to be her lover. Yes they spoke like they were friends but he needed her to be more than that.

(IT SOUNDS SO SWEET)
coming from the lips of an angel

Tagged: Allison
Outfit: link coming soon
Word: 1944
Credit: Lyrics-Hinder Lips of an angel.
This template was created by RAWR!?
of caution, also known as Kali of Nevermore

[mckenna landon jameson]

He watched him as he remained silent, unable to know what he was really thinking and she hated it. She took a moment to look at his face though, she had always fallen for it, but she also fell for his personality. She wished that he would just tell her that nothing had happened, so they could move on from the conversation but it seemed to be dragging up and she didn’t like how it was popping up. She tilted her head to the side and watched him, trying to work out what he was thinking. She would help him however she could if he was to get off the drugs; he knew that, she just wished that he would help himself. She loved him and it seemed to her friends that she would always choose him over them. It wasn’t like that though...not at all, she loved her friends more than anything and she couldn’t actually imagine not being around them, she wanted them to understand but they didn’t, or they just didn’t want to. Either way it just kind of sucked in her opinion. Normally she would be able to gush to her friends about her boyfriend, but in this case she couldn’t because no one really wanted to listen, and if they did listen they would then just probably tell her that she deserved better. Yes he treated her badly when he was drunk or high or coming down from either, but when he wasn’t (which wasn’t really that often) he was a decent guy, but unfortunately no one ever saw that, he was closed off from anyone else, but she knew that he could be how she wanted him to be around her, if he was in the right mood. She did get him on bad days but she could usually change that.

You can say you are sorry Ry he told him. But until you actually show real improvement I won’t believe or accept that apology she told him honestly. She knew it must be hard, maybe she didn’t know just how hard it was but she could kind of imagine it, kind of. She just didn’t know why he had to do it in the first place. He’d managed to hide it for a good while from her when they first started dating, mainly because she wasn’t around his place a lot and she had school to concentrate on. She only really had weekends when she would occasionally stay over, and even then she kind of had to lie. Her parents never liked the idea of her having an older boyfriend. You know, I can handle it she shrugged I mean the attitude is kinda hot I’ve never been fussed by the overly sweet guys, it’s just when you really are mean about me or you say something to hurt me, that is what upsets me she said with a nod. Right now I am in this huge fights with one of my best friends, and it’s partly because of you she mentioned Because I stick up for you, because I don’t appreciate what everyone tells me about you she went on. I actually can’t stand that she left me alone this weekend she frowned. She didn’t understand still why it was just her and Tanner, and why they had to have gone now, it sucked...like she had been left out. She kind of got that Caroline wanted to get away but why with Tanner, and why just not chill on her own at Alex’s for a couple of days, or however long it took for everything to blow over.

She looked at him and tilted her head to the side and smiled. He didn’t sleep with her? Then why did she look so smug? She looked like she had gotten something out of him. That was what she did not get. You didn’t? she asked him confused Then why did she look so smug? he asked him, like she had made a big achievement. She mentioned. Are you sure nothing happened? Because let’s face it, when you are high you tend to do things and they block out of your memory he said I don’t believe you she shook her head. Did she want to believe him? She didn’t know. There had been many girls who she had seen even around the town who let her know they slept with him. Why they wanted to let her know, she didn’t know because it made them seem like a big whore, but whatever, it had made it clear that he always had someone when she wasn’t around and she managed with no one. She then rolled her eyes when he said that he didn’t know what time of day it was. it’s like, one o’clock jackass she said rolling her eyes. She didn’t care that he saw her doing it either, she wanted him to know every time he pissed her off and she wanted to call him on it. She never really bothered about not doing it because she thought it was better he knew what she thought than just keeping it to herself.

She smiled when he said he’d walk the world backwards for her. She liked the cheesy lines he came up with, but at the same time she liked him to be tough, which she knew he was. It seemed that she was his weakness and she made him a whole different person, someone he actually appreciated. She didn’t know what would happen if she took herself away from him completely and she didn’t really want to think about it either because if she was honest it really scared her. She would blame herself if he committed suicide or overdosed. She knew none of her friends or family would be interested, but she would have to be the one to fix it if he actually made it through somehow. That would be the last straw and where she would force him to get help. She would stick by him though; she wouldn’t have a problem with that because she knew it would hurt too much if she left him again. Would she be able to live with herself? But at the same time, it was hurting her just as much staying with him when he was on the drugs, it was so hard. Then why can’t you manage to go through with the one thing you know I want you to do the most she said sadly. It’s all very well saying things like that, you have to prove them as well she shrugged. I don’t need you to feed me lines like that...I mean I am not saying I hate them... she told him. But I want you to be 100% certain it is what YOU want and what YOU can do she said. You can stop with the cheesy lines though, like I said, you know I don’t need that stuff to be said he shrugged at him, and gave him a small smile.

He knew how much it hurt that he had the lifestyle he did, he knew it hurt everyone around him so why did he carry on? Why could he not bring himself to get the help he really needed and why did he seem so reluctant to get help, well for one thing he couldn’t afford it, and neither could she if she was going to offer to pay for it. She just couldn’t because it would mean her paying all her wage and then she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent. Not that she cared right now anyway because she wasn’t actually planning on going back to the house for a few more days, at least not until she could feel that she could be around Caroline without wanting to scream at her, and right now she really could not do that, even though she had sent a text to apologise, it didn’t seem enough. She had also said some things and that had been wrong, but at least she apologised for not knowing what had happened with her and Doug, she didn’t know that, but Caroline had seemed to twist things a little and that had been what she wasn’t happy about. She had felt like she had no argument because she’d made it out that she didn’t care. Of course she cared but there was only so much she could say to actually prove that. You know what you have to do he told him with a faint smile.

She had tidied it at least so it was nice for when they came back, and she wouldn’t be around either. She had stayed with Alex the previous night and then gone to the apartment during the day to clean up some more. She didn’t want it left in a big mess, as much as she was upset right now that wasn’t fair. The more she thought about it, the more she kind of wished she could stay with him for a few days. She was sure that he wouldn’t mind, though Alex would....but she could deal with him and make up something so that he would not answer anymore questions about where she was staying, the more questions he asked the harder it would be to answer, so if he said she could stay, she’d just work something out so that he wouldn’t ask any questions to where she was. Maybe she would lie and say she was going away with a couple of her friends from her college course, but that would mean she would probably not have to show her face around town for a couple of days, and call in sick, so that no one they knew could report to Alex, or anyone that they had seen her.

It was all very sneaky, she hated it...but he had lied to her...maybe he should know what it felt like, because it had really hurt her, him lying to her and Caroline, she actually wondered if EVERYONE had been in on the joke. Maybe she had overreacted but whatever; she had to voice how she had felt and if everyone else had been in on it, that made everything worse because the joke had been on her, she was the only one who ‘hadn’t known’ it was a joke...even though she knew it was. She just did not know why they thought it would have been funny, and started to laugh slightly at how everyone would react if she had announced that she was engaged to Ryland...or even pregnant. You know, my friends thought it would be funny to play some kind of joke on me she started to tell him. Caroline and Alex pretended they were getting married. I kept telling them it was a joke, I freaked out and me and Caroline, well we had this huge fight, and you were some of the reason she told him. If I had pulled anything like that, like said we were engaged or pregnant even, it would be so much worse. I’d never do it as a joke of course....but I am dreading it happening and none of my friends supporting me because I want them there she said looking up at him with a sad face. I just can see them not wanting me to do it... she said realising that she was dwelling on the subject too much. She did not want a marriage proposal, nor did she want kids just yet. Not that I am expecting any of that she told him. I don’t need it, not right now anyway, but sometime in the future she nodded. They had never really spoken about kids, she knew he wasn’t keen though, just because of his own childhood had been so terrible.

When he kissed her back, it seemed to make everything clear, for some reason she got lost in the moment, lost with him and she didn’t even think about anything else going on in her life, all the hurt she was feeling right now and how she felt rather alone. She didn’t want to feel that way and wanted to feel like someone wanted her. He wanted her....did he want her as much as she wanted him? Usually he was the one who wanted it more, but she was feeling needy beginning to think about it all, they had been through so much; maybe they owed it to themselves to give things another try. I missed you she said when she’d pulled away from the kiss, stepping back slightly and then she moved in closer again. She rested her hands on each shoulder, pulling him towards her so she could kiss him, standing on her tip toes. She made the kiss deeper this time, more passionate, pulling him closer and pressing her body close to his, she thought that she was making it quite clear what she wanted and she hoped he got her point, she didn’t want to have to go any further just yet, even though she could, but she wanted him to get the hint to where she thought this should be headed. She wasn’t going to be cheesy and tell him how much she needed to be with him and all that. She’d just show him, and she’d keep making the hint less subtle till he got it. She let her hands run down his body, her hands touching the buttons slightly to tease him. She knew what she was doing, she’d done this with other guys before, but this time it would happen and she wouldn’t just be teasing.

WORDS; 2,264
NOTES; I think I rambled like crazy here, but it’s the longest reply I have done in a while!

[ryland]

Its really good to hear you voice
(SAYING MY NAME)

He watched her as she watched him trying to figure out what he was thinking. He wasn’t always sure of that himself but he had fallen for her in the long run. He hoped that this would have a happy ending for him though. He needed it too he needed her. He loved her and he would try and do better for her even if he knew that his attempts wouldn’t last for long because he wasn’t getting help. Ryland needed help and it wasn’t something that would just come out of the blue for him. Ryland needed to be able to keep taking care of Lil he had to take care of his sister. He couldn’t just leave her without any kind of money coming in at all. Ryland knew that Lilith wouldn’t survive without him taking her money. Ryland needed to keep her fed and clothed. The utilities paid but his sister was always going to have the option of staying with him. He would let her stay with him it wasn’t something he was necessarily opposed to. It might mellow him out just a little because he hated hurting Lilith

”You can say you are sorry Ry, but until you actually show real improvement I won’t believe or accept that apology” he knew by the way her tone was that she was being honest. He couldn’t argue with that though he understood what she was saying. Ryland had hidden it from her for the first part of their relationship because he was afraid honestly. He had been afraid that this is what would happen. Ryland was pretty sure if he could ever get himself straightened out he’d marry Allison. He’d want to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her every night but that was along way off for him because he was still getting high. ”You know I can handle it, I mean the attitude is kind of hot I’ve never been fussed by the overly sweet guys it’s just when you are really mean about me or you something to hurt me that is what upsets me” ”I’m sorry Alli” said Ry honestly. He hated hurting her it was the one thing he couldn’t handle.”Right now I’m in this huge fights with one of my best friends and its partly because of you” came Allison’s voice. Ryland could smack himself sometimes or put a foot in his mouth. He sometimes let his mouth run without thinking about it. ”Because I stick up for you because I don’t appreciate what everyone tells me about you I can’t actually stand that she left me alone this weekend”

Ryland had no doubt what friend she was talking about, it was Caroline or as he preferred to call her Care-bear. Which irked her off which was part of why he continued with it. ”Some friend she is” muttered Ryland knowing full well it was the behavior she was talking about. But Caroline and him had bucked heads from the time they first met. He at least tried to get along with Allison’s other friends but Caroline was the one that he had a feeling he’d never hit it off with. He could try and be nice to everyone else. ”You didn’t? Then why did she look so smug? Ryland wasn’t sure but he was going to find out soon enough because his wallet had been in the living room. ”Are you sure nothing happened because let’s face it when you are high you tend to do things and block them out of your memory” Ryland reached to his wallet which was on his coffee table next to the couch where he saw the girl when he woke up this morning or afternoon. Looking in his wallet ”Because the seventy bucks I had in there after I paid for a ride home is gone” said Ryland showing Allison his empty wallet. He knew that Alli knew he always kept seventy bucks in his wallet at any given time. Partially because of Lilith and partially because then he could usually scrounge up money to pay his rent if he didn’t have it right away. He always had a foot up on it. But it was rarely used and when it was another seventy dollars always went in there. It was a weird quirk but he needed to have that unusable cash in his wallet. Ryland was full of weird quirks like the fact he was a good enough cook to go to school for it but didn’t he hated cooking.


”It’s like one o’clock jackass” came Allie’s reply with an eye roll that made Ryland know she was just livid at him. Ryland knew her eye rolls he could find her in a room blinded if he had too. He always knew when she entered a crowded room. She was a sun in his life and he orbited her faithfully at first only from afar though never close up to her and then she drew him in. Ryland was trying to give up drugs for her, he tried multiple times to quit but it ended in defeat because he had no support system, no parents who’d say oh we’ll help you out and he didn’t want to ask Allison for the money for a rehab. And the money wasn’t even for him it was for Lilith the only other person who saw anything sweet in him at all because she was his baby sister. ”Then why can’t you manage to go through with the one thing you know I want you to do the most” came Allie’s sad voice ”It’s all very well saying things like that, you have to prove them as well followed by a shrug. ”But I want you to be 100% certain that’s is what YOU want and what YOU can do” ”Because the withdrawal could kill me Allie and I don’t mean figuratively I mean it could really kill me” said Ryland

It wasn’t an uncommon thing to happen where people died of withdrawal and personally unless Allie was leaving him forever he didn’t want to die. He would if she understand the danger behind withdrawal on your own she’d understand what he was going through. ”You can stop with the cheesy lines though like I said you know I don’t need that stuff to be said” a smile was gracing her beautiful lips again. ”Sorry I seem to be full of corny lines for you today” said Ryland. She was the one person who saw him for who he was. He didn’t get that too often where someone could see past his bad attitude. Obviously his sister could but she had also lived with him for years before this. Allie was different she had found him at his worst and he could still be kind and gentle to her. He was afraid of what he’d do to her if he ever did go through withdrawal with her there. He was afraid of driving her away from him like he knew he would. And it was dangerous which was what scared him the most those first two weeks the fall off of drugs just sudden and hard was hard for him. Twice if Lilith hadn’t checked up on him in the past he would have died from it.

Rehab cost more money that he had in savings and without his job he couldn’t even think about trying to afford it. Lilith needed him to keep his job it paid well enough that he could afford to keep the apartment and food around but not much else. Ryland was worried what would happen to Lilith when she had no one to turn to but their dumb ass parents. He worried about what would happen to her when their parents went into a drunken fit of anger and frustration for something that they weren’t doing wrong. ”You know what you have to do” that statement defeated him a like a knife that went through the heart of someone’s soul. He was well aware of the fact that she wanted him to quit but rehab just wasn’t an option at the moment not that if he did go through withdrawal on his own he’d be able to stand up and see straight to take care of it himself either. He couldn’t work if he were going through withdrawal. It was something that he was going to have to wait until he could keep his apartment and keep his fridge stocked before he did anything of the sort.

Ryland felt bad for Allie she was going through allot right now fighting with Caroline who he knew was her best friend even though he and Caroline hated each other. Ryland had taken the effort to try and be nice to her even though it failed miserably because well he was failing at the whole be very sweet to your girlfriends best friend policy. ”You know my friends though it would be funny to play some kind of joke on me. Caroline and Alex pretended they were getting married. I kept telling them it was a joke. I freaked out and me and Caroline well we had this huge fight and you were some of the reason” Ryland wasn’t surprised about that really he was the reason for allot of fights with them. ”If I had done anything like that like said we were engaged or pregnant even it would be so much worse. I’d never do it as a joke of course… but I am dreading it happening and none of my friends supporting me because I want them there” Ryland hated that sad face he hated that face that said she hurt and he hated that face that said she was upset. It didn’t matter who or what the cause was. ”Not that I’m expecting any of that” came her voice through his thoughts again ”I don’t need it not now anyway but sometime in the future”

Ryland thought about kids, he wondered if he would be a good dad like he saw on TV or if he’d be like his own parents and hate his kids. He didn’t think he could be like his own parents though. If he had kids he wanted them to have all the love in the world. He wanted them to feel like someone was going to take care of them. But he knew that was along way off he had to give up his vices first, go back to school, get a better job so he could support a family. He knew if he didn’t do all of that he’d be no better than his own parents and he didn’t want to turn into them. He wasn’t one who was going to sit there and take it like that. He couldn’t sit there and take it like that.

He kept her close to him as long as she’d let him. The way her smooth skin felt under his calloused hands. The taste of her lips against his own lips as they kissed. All the stuff that was making his life so miserable wasn’t there with her. He wasn’t suffering through it like he thought he would. He wanted her, he needed her, she was another drug for him in away. One that he’d never give up though not if he had any say in the matter. He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame and it was something that he couldn’t let go of. He’d do better for her this time, he’d be a better person he’d try harder with her friends. He’d do whatever he could to make her happy but he wasn’t sure he was good for her. In the long run he was aware of the fact that he wasn’t good for her. He wished he was good for her he really did but he knew he wasn’t. She needed better than he did but he didn’t want her to need more than him he wanted to be that person. The kiss between them felt like it was lasting forever. Ryland could fly if she asked him to at that moment. ”I missed you” ”I’ve missed you too” said Ryland to her. He watched as she pulled away for a second. She then drew in closer and kissed him again deeper and more passionate than before. He matched that his hands wandering around her waist to hold her in place.

He watched as she ran her hands down his chest playing with buttons on his shirt. He knew where this was going and he wanted it to go there. He knew he did there was no doubt in his mind about it at all. Ryland pulled her closer to him again his hands resting on her ass as he kissed her once more. His way of showing her that she wanted what he wanted. That they were on the same page and that they both needed this as much as the other did.

(IT SOUNDS SO SWEET)
coming from the lips of an angel

Tagged: Allison
Outfit: link coming soon
Word: 2179
Credit: Lyrics-Hinder Lips of an angel.
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